I would like to talk about boys and girls for a bit. I would like you to know what I mean when I say something is a ‘boy activity’.
I have a few ‘boy’ posts on hands on : as we grow that say they’re directed towards boys or that they are boy activities.
For reference: Everything for Boys on 25 Pinterest Boards
Every. Single. Time. I share them somewhere, on Facebook or on Pinterest, I get comments back to me saying that it shouldn’t be labeled as ‘boys’, that their girl would love these activities too. Especially on my For the Boys board that is meant for stereotypical boy activities.
Of course they would. I whole-heartedly agree that many, many, many girls will want to do these same ‘boy’ activities.
But this is where I’m coming from: I have three boys. I know what my boys like. [That doesn’t mean ALL boys.)
Secondly, in general, boys have certain tendencies that are different than girls. In general. Not all. And definitely not saying that girls don’t have the same tendencies at times.
Thirdly and what I think its most important. There are some things that we just think ‘boy’ when we see them. Trucks. Trains. Balls. Running non-stop. Yes. Its stereotypical. Yes. I will not disagree with that.
However, that does NOT mean I am, in any way, pushing these types of activities towards my boys. Nor do I think anyone should.
^^^ Read that again ^^^
I do activities that my boys enjoy. The activities planner helps me do that. I focus on my children’s current interests. Whether that’s trains and dirt. Or whether that’s crafting with flowers and playing house.
See? It also doesn’t mean I stop them from playing or doing activities that are ‘stereotypically’ girl focused.
By labeling an activity as ‘boy’ does not mean that a girl cannot do them.
All it means is that its a stereotypical boy activity. And I know that you may want to stop this generalizing of girls and boys and that they shouldn’t be labeled. [I agree, they shouldn’t.)
I just know that when I’m looking for these stereotypical types of activities for my three boys to do — It’s a lot easier for me to find what I’m looking for when it says “activities for boys” over “activities for kids” or “activities for boys and girls”.
When “kids” is in the topic, it could be anything, but when “boys” is in the topic, I have an idea of what I can expect.
On the flip side…
I find readers being concerned about others reacting to their kids when they aren’t being the stereotypical boy or girl.
That I get. Completely.
I have a boy that loves to craft and do art projects. He’s not big into sports at all. He’s not coordinated in that way.
I would be completely appalled if another parent looked at him and didn’t consider him to be boy material because he didn’t fit the mold.
While the label ‘boy’ is nice to have for organizational purposes for activities, clothes, toy, and so on to find what you’re looking for. I completely agree that it should never be forced on a child or frowned upon if they don’t fit the mold.
Those are two scenarios of steretyping that can be treated completely differently.
So, am I off base?
Am I wrong to label these activities with ‘boys’ in the title or writing?
I realize that by asking this question I’m setting myself up for criticism. I welcome it, if it’s constructive.
Thank you for taking the time to hear me out. Greatly appreciated!
I am not alone in these thoughts. I have shared my concerns with newsletter subscribers, and have gotten the following responses:
I have one boy and one girl and if I want to find an activity for them both that is centered around trucks that is FINE but I will still be using the word BOY in my search. – Reader Brit
This drives me crazy if it said for boys only, yes maybe kick up a stink but its a guide, a group of ideas. – Reader Niki
By generalizing your activities it makes it easier and faster for me to find what I want on your site. I wish that people would stop worrying about stereotyping their children. Do what they like and be a good parent and you can’t go wrong. The fact is that boys and girls are different and we grow up into men and women that are different. We are meant to be different, God intended that. – Reader Iris
Keep up your good work – and, when we Google for boys shoes, we Google “boys trainers” not “kids trainers” – certain amount of practicality is needed and people should relax! – Reader Ibet
My first thought is, “Who cares that you called it a ‘boy’ activity?” You post activities for children and if a parent is interested in trying it with their child, who is to stop them from doing so? Simply because it has the label of boy on it? So silly. – Reader Jessica
I have no doubt it is in the genes….Man the Hunter…..Woman, the mother/protector/nester – Reader Dan
I don’t think they are only for boys, but it is great to have some resources that are great for boys. – Reader Amanda
Let us be absolutely clear, boys and girls are different and not just physically! In my experience boys will play with ‘girls’ toys and activities and girls will play with ‘boy’ toys but in the long run children almost always spend most of their time with the stereotypical toys for their gender. They are inherently different and they are genetically wired to certain behaviours. – Reader Sue
Our world is trying to shift things. Making all things for all people…kind of makes NOTHING special. Boys are boys and that is why they are special. Girls are girls and that is why they are special. – Reader Kimberle
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Lynn says
I have to say that some of these comments are quite ignorant. I am using that word in its correct form, meaning uneducated not meaning stupid as so many people tend to use it these days. To say that boys are inherently/genetically meant to be hunters while girls are nurturers/protectors is not completely true. Because of our societal views and the stereotypes that have been passed down for many many years, people may feel these things to be inherent, but they are still learned behaviors. Children may seem to gravitate towards “boy” toys or “girl” toys, but that is due to well placed marketing, stereotypes, and societal norms and roles.
That is not to say that you can’t label your sons’ activities as “boys” because that is what they enjoy and it is easy to classify things as such. But, while we continue to add labels such as “boy” toys and “girl” toys we continue to emphasize to future generations that boys will/should like tools, cars, sports, etc. while girls should have dolls, kitchen play sets, and make-up. By not integrating our toys and allowing children to choose which they truly prefer (not what society says they should) is doing them a disservice.
Misspegotty says
Totllay true. People don’t understand that stereotypes hurt those kids that don’t fall into them. How does a boy that likes to play dolls feel when this activity is labelled as ‘girls’?
Rachael says
I have a two year old girl, she doesn’t watch commercials on TV that advertise girls/boys with different toys, I have never taught her that dolls are for girls and trucks are for boys, she doesn’t go to preschool, so she isn’t learning her behavior from kids there. Her best friends are little boys. Yet when I go to the store and I give her the choice, would you like me to buy this doll, or this truck for example – she will always choose the “girl” toy. She shows a little interest in typical boy toys that I buy for her and then gets bored and goes back to her dollies. If I let her choose her own clothes she looks for something with flowers or butterflies or bunnies on it, something pink. At two years old do you really think that her natural inclinations are a result of societal conditioning??? I just have one child so that is all I can speak for. But seeing her ‘girlish’ tendencies from the time her personality first started to show through (birth basically), makes me think it is much deeper than just ‘what society teaches us’. She is so little and could care less what the world thinks or says she should do, she just wants to do whatever she wants to do. I just have a hard time believing that it is all learned behavior.
Sheila says
I certainly remember looking for things that my son would enjoy and getting discouraged because I couldn’t find something “boy” that he would like. I am glad you have boy activities.
I get the same thing and was feeling discouraged so I am very glad for your post about this topic. Saying something if fun, good, neat for boys doesn’t, in any way, mean someone is saying that girls cannot participate or that it isn’t good for them as well. I find the implication a bit odd actually.
Please do carry on as I am enjoying your posts that are all boy :)
Jamie Reimer says
Thanks Sheila! That means a lot coming from you!
Brittany says
I have always been a big supporter of eliminating gender roles and stereotypes (being a woman in the science field who loves nature, all animals, and yes, even BUGS! I was labeled as a Tomboy) but then I had a son, who of course is 100% stereotypical BOY. I’d be VERY supportive if he liked pink and dress up and dolls and ponies, but he doesn’t. He loves balls/sports, and trains, and trucks, and bugs too!! So it’s made me more understanding and sympathetic of those stereotypes and their origins. I KNOW I didn’t impose those stereotypes onto him (I’ve been very careful about that). That’s just who he is. So in my mind I have no problem with those labels. Go for it! Stereotypes exist for a reason (to help us mentally group things) so as long as we’re not limiting with those labels and discriminatory in how we use them I think there’s no harm in it!
Jamie Reimer says
That is exactly my point Brittany. Thank you.
Jackie says
I am glad that there is someone who is not afraid of saying something is a boys activity or a girls activity. That is the way God made us. Yes there are some activities that both boys and girls need to learn but when you clump them all together then you are destroying the God given activities that he set up for them. To train them for adult life.
Marcia says
i have never read any of your posts and thought “She means that only boys should do this activity.” As a mom of a daughter and a son, I appreciate your posts and ideas. I grew up with sisters and having a son has been quite the learning curve. In our house, our son likes to play with dolls, dress up, and other activities or toys that are “girl” oriented. But he is drawn to things with wheels and we have never pushed that on him, he is just interested. His sister could have cared less for cars at his age, but she moves and is active and likes to do many “boy” oriented activities. But she is more drawn to princesses and things that are pink. I definitely did not encourage this as I intentionally tried to avoid pink since I don’t like it. Some preference tendencies seen to be predetermined based on sex. All of that being said, I do not think that by you categorizing or labeling posts are “for the boys” influences whether I will do them with only my son or with both my kids. I CHOOSE to read your blog because I like the ideas. How and to whom I implement them is MY CHOICE. It is only my own fault if my kids get the idea that playing sports is only for boys or that boys can’t play with dolls.
Jamie Reimer says
Thank you Marcia. Thank you.
Stephanie says
I love your page & never criticize, you are doing a wonderful job and I appreciate your time & work put in to it. I am a mother of a boy & a girl, these things simply do not bother me. Either I do activity or not rather than find a complaint. I love your supportive readers comments! Keep doing things your way, if they don’t approve they can move on and find their own activities!
Jamie Reimer says
Thanks Stephanie. :)
Lisa Calhoun says
The tendencies boys exhibit are no different than what girls exhibit. Girls get taught that we will recieve no encouragement and may even get in trouble for those things. The reason you see these behaviors is because you have three children who are treated as normal for being normal. Children seek approval and they learn to meet their needs.