My child doesn’t want to do any activities!
My child can’t sit still to do crafts.
My child just destroys the activities we do.
My child just doesn’t seem to want to do any of the activities I set up for him.
Ever said one of those? If that’s the case…
How in the world do you do activities with your child?
First of all, there is nothing is wrong with your child. This is completely normal.
There is somewhat of a learning curve with kids and activities. It doesn’t come naturally to many kids, nor does it come naturally to many parents. At least it didn’t for me at the beginning.
I’ve gone through my phases of forcing my kids to do activities, because I thought that’s what they should be able, and want, to do. And let me tell you, it is not fun for anyone involved. And I always regret it later.
Activities should never cause a fight.
Since then, I’ve found the secret to doing activities with my kids. Let’s go through the 4 steps to follow when your child doesn’t want to do any activities that you encourage.
What’s your reason?
Let’s rewind a bit and talk about your reasons for doing the activities with your child. There’s absolutely no reason that you have to. It’s that you want to. And usually it comes down to wanting to spend time and create memories with your child.
What is your reason? You can find my three reasons here.
If you want to spend time and create memories, then what you’re doing with them shouldn’t really matter all that much, correct?
If he wants to run around and jump when you set up a pipe cleaner threading activity, is that such a terrible thing?
If he destroys the lines of tape you set up to do a jumping game, is that all that bad?
Think about the big picture first and remember your reason for wanting to do the activity in the first place.
What about your child?
Next, I want you to think about your child.
I’ve put this in an email several times, and it’s also in the free activity planner that I send out, but I’ve never made it public.
I realized that this is probably the most important thing you can do with your child, no matter what. But if you want to be successful with activities, you really need to do it even more when your child doesn’t really want to do activities!
You need to study your child.
Step back and watch them as they play. Ask yourself some of these questions about their free play, and even jot down notes in the weekly activities planner. These are just a few examples to get you thinking.
What are they playing with?
What do they talk about?
Do they sit and play, or run around?
Do they tell stories?
Are they focusing in on one thing, or jumping from one toy to another?
What do they gravitate towards?
Do they make up stuff or tend to reenact what’s been going on around them?
Are they builders or destructors?
Make this a Sunday night homework and reflect back on the week, each week.
Then, choose activities based on your child.
Sometimes, an activity might not seem really like an ‘activity’, but just play.
Don’t think you need to be extravagant with activities, especially when you’re first starting out. Simple is often best! Less is more (or however you’d like to say it).
I say this for both you and your child. It makes it not as frustrating for you if your child doesn’t ‘go’ for the activity. But also for your child because its not as frustrating for them if they don’t understand what they’re supposed to do.
Eventually, your child will be asking to do another activity and that’s when you can start making things more involved. But that likely won’t be the case at the beginning.
Do not expect your child to be a certain way and wonder why they don’t want to do an activity; use the information from when your studied your child (above) to form activities around what they’re already interested in. And not just what objects they’re interested in, but how they play with the objects plays a huge part too!
Incorporate the way they play into the activities and you’ll be golden.
Reevaluate your expectations of an activity.
Crafts are often the first thing you might think of when doing an activity. Crafts are also often not well-received by a child at first. Especially to our expectations.
Let’s just be blunt about this, your 15 month old isn’t going to create a perfect wind chime. It just isn’t going to happen.
Instead of focusing on a craft with an end result, focus on the process and exploration of the activity instead of the end result. Let them explore the materials and run around while doing it. The process is where kids learn and have a good time (and memories are made).
Join in the fun while creating and doing activities, your kids will appreciate it and its a special moment together!
Remember to keep it short. Most activities only require 15 minutes of your child’s time. Adjust this to their appropriate attention span, you’ll learn as you do an activity, but this is a good starting point. Don’t be disappointed if the first few times you try an activity, they don’t make it through even the short fifteen minutes (or even five!).
And most importantly, just have fun! Let the kids have fun! Enjoy being a hands-on mom with me!
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Ada says
What about when you follow all these tips and the kid still doesn’t want to do them? Also, my reason is not the one you’ve stated here. My kid is struggling with reading and I have to help her work on her literacy at home outside of school, in a fun way. The point of them though is not just to be with my kid, I do that plenty of other times in general. The point is to practice the literacy. This means that that practice actually has to be done instead of just sitting there and letting her goof off aimlessly while I watch (or even participate). But she doesn’t like learning to read, it’s simply the act of doing anything that involves the letters and words that she dislikes–even if I cater it to her most enjoyed activities. I try to be incredibly sneaky about how I mix the learning in with regular play (often times we just do barbies or Legos and ill ask something like ‘what’s that barbies name?’ ‘Oh, how do you write that name? What’s it start with?’) or just idly ask the questions in between other play so it doesnt feel like a “session”. Or I’ll pretend like I don’t know how to do something (I’m reading some text and I pretend like I can’t figure out a word and ask her to help me read it), she doesn’t like any of it. Any time it lasts more than 3-5 minutes, she starts begging for it to be over and saying it’s boring and she doesn’t want to do it. It has been this way no matter the activity so far. She wants to read really badly, too! But she seems to be against the fact that to read she must learn to do it, first. And she always knows when she’s learning, no matter how integrated with her play I make it, and dislikes it intensely.
Mary says
All those questions asked are on point with my toddler, I had tried activities in the past the he hasn’t really like to engaged and I instantly get some of the tips given. It’s all about the child’s interests and learning pace. At the end of the day, kids has differences and it’s not that bad once we accept and understand that. Thanks for this.
Kirsten says
What about a kiddo who only wants to read? My 22m old usually has to be convinced to play with a toy or go outside, and then after 5 minutes she’s begging to go back and read more. I’m so proud of her as a reader and a lover of books, but I can’t read all day every day!
Jennifer says
Thank you for this post. My DD is 23 months and what you would call “high spirited”…aka full of energy! She has never been able to sit still for any of the activities I set up and I’ve been worried maybe she’s hyperactive or something so to hear that it is completely normal for a toddler to be more interested in destruction than building and running around than sitting and doing one this makes me feel so much better!!! I have embraced her wild side and we enjoy activities like dancing, throwing balls, climbing and marching (her most recent fave). She is getting a little better at seated play when left to her own devices and I know completing a structured activity will come in time. Thanks again!!!
Shannon says
Thanks! I was feeling something was wrong as I set up an activity painting a cardboard caterpillar last night, and all she wanted to do was paint hands and make hand prints! So I painted the caterpillar. Your post was reassuring that this was actually a very successful activity!
Niragi says
Good suggestions on activity planning
Kate says
I’ve been doing activities with my boys for about 4 years (my oldest is now 7 and in school, so there is more focus on my 4YO now). When my oldest was 3 and I had a new baby, daily activities became a life-saver! I found that doing them at the same time every day was a big help. It was usually around 10:30 (when the baby napped – now, it’s after morning snack). That way, he had time for free play in the morning and was ready for something more structured. I also try not to ask, but just say, “After snack, we’re going to do a fun project!” And (like Karen, above, said) if he doesn’t want to do it, sometimes, I just set it up anyway and maybe start doing it myself. It usually gets his attention! I combine my activities with language learning, since we also speak German at home, and find that having a theme for a week or two is also fun.
Thanks, Jamie, for so many great ideas!! Yours is one of the first mommy blogs I discovered 4 years ago, and I’m so grateful for all your inspiration!
Olukemi Odedairo says
Thank you very much indeed for sharing ideas on ways kids can be glad to give.
I appreciate the many activities and other suggestions to get our children involved in different interesting activities.
One thing I’ve learnt is that the process is what really counts and not so much the end product.
Keep up the good work!
Best regards,
Olukemi Odedairo
Nigeria
Karen says
What I have found works best with my kids who often don’t wasn’t to do an activity I might set up for them and announce to them, is to not say anything and just start quietly doing the activity myself near them. They then just about always ask to do it with me. Not always, but almost.
Carlyn Peterson says
Such a clever idea!!