Night Terrors.
Seriously. I cannot explain what a night terror is. And I’m [this] close to videoing George when he has one. But can’t bring myself to publish that for the whole world to see.
A night terror is not a nightmare. I can only explain it as something that is so uncontrolled by the child. And there’s nothing a parent can do to control it either.
A nightmare is simply a scare that the child has and is comforted by seeing and being held by their parent.
I looked up the definition of a Night Terror and found that WebMD has a pretty good explanation of it:
A typical night terror episode usually begins approximately 90 minutes after falling asleep. The child sits up in bed and screams, appearing awake but is confused, disoriented, and unresponsive to stimuli. Although the child seems to be awake, the child does not seem to be aware of the parents’ presence and usually does not talk. The child may thrash around in bed and does not respond to comforting by the parents.
Knowing this and also that a night terror is a sleep disorder has helped me tremendously. Just knowing what George was doing was called a Night Terror helped me. It helped me realize its not me. That I’m not exaggerating these episodes.
I had asked about night terrors on Facebook and got an overwhelming response of others that are going through [or have gone through] the same episodes with a child, and got lots of tips on how they’ve dealt with the behavior, too. I’ve tried some of these and will pass along how I’ve learned to cope.
I hope this will help someone else that is going through these same episodes.
So, here I am. Going to pass on advice, that’s not really advice, but only the knowledge of what a Night Terror is and how we are learning to cope with it.
Here’s our story of night terrors, before I knew they were night terrors:
George wakes up in the middle of the night. Okay, not the middle of the night. Roughly 2 or 3 hours into his sleep. Which is also roughly when I go to bed, or about an hour into my sleep.
He screams immediately. Thrashing immediately.
If I touch him, worse.
If I pick him up, he arches his back and throws himself around. I feel like I’ll break him if I continue to hold him.
I lay him down on the floor, he trashes out of control.
He runs into the wall, or the radiator, or whatever is ‘behind’ him, because as he thrashes himself, he pushes himself backwards.
I pick him up again, this time holding him super tight and trying to sing to him, hoping to calm him down.
More screams. And my arms are extremely sore from holding on so tight.
I needed a rest. But my child is screaming.
This usually went on for at least 45 minutes if not an hour or an hour and a half. With my attempts of trying to calm him down with absolutely no luck at all. Until I finally give in and just let him lay on the floor by himself, thrashing wildly until he’s finally given in to his own tiredness and falls back asleep.
Fast forward to now.
The turning point? George’s 18 month checkup where I asked the doctor about these episodes. I felt like I was complaining about a child that just won’t sleep at night. But it was fresh in my mind at this appointment because it had just happened two nights before. So I went ahead and told her what was going on.
Turns out, its a night terror. She handed me some information sheets on both night terrors and nightmares. Definitely a night terror.
Our new approach, after knowing what a night terror is, and knowing that there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop a night terror. You just need to let it run its course.
When George first wakes screaming, I go to his room and I do attempt to hold him still, in case its not one of those episodes. When I find that he resists me holding him, I lay him down on the floor. Let him do his thing.
I lay next to him, but careful not to touch him.
If I talk, I talk very calmly and quietly.
I also turn on his lamp, to allow some light, to hopefully arouse him out of his sleep.
If my husband’s around during an episode [he works nights], he’ll lay next to him as well, and sing quietly, the sound of a man’s voice singing is very soothing.
It has to be one of the hardest things to do as a parent. Watching quietly as your child is screaming to their wit’s end. Nothing you can do.
But, this new, calmer approach, has shortened the length of time that George’s night terrors have been lasting drastically. Now they’re roughly 10-15 minutes. A much more doable amount of time, and the approach is much less exhausting on everyone.
So, what we’ve done to cope with night terrors in our house:
- Don’t touch the child after you’ve recognized it to be a night terror.
- Talk calm and quietly, or sing softly.
- Keep him safe, remove any objects in the area that may be of harm.
- Turn on a dim light.
- Be patient.
I have heard of others awakening the child right before the time they would have a night terror, to waken them on your own [and their own]terms and put them back to sleep. This hasn’t been necessary for us yet. George’s night terrors are quite irregular, happening about every other week now. I am very thankful for this because I’ve heard of others occuring several times per week.
While we have managed to cope with the night terrors much better, it would be nice to eliminate them altogether. I haven’t figured this one out yet. WebMD has a few suggestions as to what could trigger night terrors:
Night terrors may be caused by:
- Stressful life events
- Fever
- Sleep deprivation
- Medications that affect the brain
I thought George’s seemed to be caused by sleep deprivation, but its been happening lately on days that he even gets a good two-hour nap. And we go to bed at the same time consistently.
The only thing I’ve found for us is that it happens to be on days that I’m not around to put him down for nap. It may be my husband, or my sister-in-law, or my mom that puts him down for a nap. Like I said, the nap still seems to be a good nap most of the time, and even sometimes still in his own bed. I don’t know if this little bit of straying from his normal ‘routine’ that day is the cause of it or not, but its just my latest observation.
Whatever the reason for it happening, my end goal is always a sleeping child. Whatever it takes to get there. And it sure would be nice to not have to deal with it at all, but learning to cope with it makes it much more manageable.
We get it. As parents, we all end up dealing with some sort of difficult behavior that our child brings to the table. Its tough to deal sometimes. And sometimes, its just nice to know that others are dealing with the same behaviors.
This Night Terrors post is written as part of The Golden Gleam’s weekly series [every Tuesday]: We Get It.
Check out The Golden Gleam for a list of all upcoming [and past] We Get It posts on difficult behaviors. Next week is about self centered children and how to deal.
About Jamie Reimer
We dealt with these two, and it finally got better when we realized that we had to just let them run their course and not try to interfere (but make sure he was safe). We couldn’t figure out any reason for these either, but I definitely agree that the biggest help was knowing and understanding what they were b/c they are quite terrifying and not knowing makes it worse. A big thing, too, that differentiates them from nightmares is that the child (thankfully) has no recollection of the night terror episode the next day. Good luck! (Ours happened with a boy at about the same age – FYI).
Why knowing and understanding what something is makes it better, I don’t know… but it really really does. It helps so much to hear that others have experienced it too, so I greatly appreciate you taking the time to tell me your story.
Yes, and thankfully, they don’t remember!
I think knowing helps because before I knew, I’d try to step in and help and would take it very personally when my child would not accept my efforts to console him or hug him. Now I just sit there quietly, hold his hand (which he lets me do) and whisper that he’s safe and with mommy.
That’s what I thought Nico had too for a while but the a few things differs: he will let me touch him and hold him then pushes away, he wants down to stand and walk around crying for a bit then comes back to me. He doesn’t thrash around. He does that a few times. So I’m not sure if it’s those anymore… The rest of the “symptoms” are the same as yours.
Valerie, it could still be a possibility. The behavior may vary a little with each child.
I thought so Rebekah, I normally just go with the flow and it lasts about 10-15 min. I hate when it happens though he looks so lost. As I was typing this answer he had one. This time he hugged me back when I got there, then he just sat there screaming, crying and kicking in his bed, at one point he started to kick me and Alex even though we just sat there. I asked him something and he answered, so I knew he was snapping out of it. The more it went one the more violent he became. I asked him several things and he answered. Then he came back to me and hugged for a while. I had to get him snapping out of it quickly so we had the big light on. He was chocking and coughing like crazy since he’s just finishing a cold. So it’s night terrors I guess :-/
oh ick Valerie. With a cold too would be so terrible. Just remind yourself that you’re doing everything you possibly can. And it’ll be okay.
Hi there,
My boys have a problem with night terror too. Just to extend some support to you that I can understand how hard it can be. It seems to be getting slightly better for me as they get older but not eliminated totally. Hope your boy will grow out of it. Understanding how it all work out really makes it more manageable but every episode of it is so draining and painful.
Thank you. It really does help to hear that others have experienced it too. Its so frustrating! How old are your boys?
My boys are 3 years old twins. Night terrors still “visit” every now and then. On days when they skip nap, the visit is almost a sure thing. Hang in there!
You too! Thanks!
I have 35 month old twins. My daughter has had night terrors sporadically for about a year. The worst was the week I volunteered for VBS at our church and they spent those days in the nursery. They were exhausted and I’m pretty sure that was what triggered them. She’s just had another tonight, after having spent the weekend with her grandfather (who decided they didn’t need naps while they were there). Touching her only makes things worse. Tonight she was hitting me and thrashing about. It’s SO hard not to touch her when all I want to do is comfort her. Especially when her brother is only a few feet away in his bed and almost always ends up being awakened by her screams. It is comforting to read that doing nothing is what we should be doing. It feels so helpless, but anything we try only makes things worse.
I do think being overtired is the most common trigger for us — but not always either, that’s what makes it frustrating, trying to figure that out!
We’ve thought about moving our boys together in the same room, but I’m hesitant to mainly because of these episodes. How does your son manage?
My son sleeps through most of them. The ones that last longer will wake him up, but we can usually settle him back down. Every now and then we end up with two screaming toddlers on our hands. Of course, they’ve been sharing a room since before they were born, so they really tune out each others’ noises. There are times when my son has nightmares (not terrors, thank goodness) and my daughter sleeps right through those.
That’s ‘lucky’. As lucky as you can get in that situation at least. The two screaming toddlers at once, I don’t think I could handle. Especially in the middle of the night during a night terror.
My son had these too. Sometimes they would last up to an hour and a half because we didn’t know to leave him alone! Once we found out to leave him alone they wouldn’t last more than 10-15 minutes. Luckily, most kids DO outgrow them. He seemed to once he hit 3 years old. Of course, he has had a couple of them this year (he is 4) but an occasional one is better than nightly!
That sounds exactly like this house! We had no idea to just let him be! 3 years old seems like a long ways away for us… hopefully it’ll end before then
Occasional, I can handle though.
Thank you so much for writing about this! I’m not the only one! We think (knock on wood) that my son is FINALLY finished with his night terrors. He had them when he was older than most children, I think – he’s 7 now and had them, give or take, 3-4 nights a week for over a year and a half. It’s been over 2 months since the last one, whew! I was lucky (ha!) in that while my older son didn’t have them, I’ve been in the childcare profession for over 15 years now so I’ve dealt with night terrors before so I didn’t panic (once I realized what they were, I didn’t panic, I should say!) about them. The worst time? The worst was my husband being away, and me sitting in my bath water, turning off the running water to hear blood curtleling (how do you spell that anyways?) screams coming from my kid’s room. Looking back on that, I’m glad the kid was totally asleep cause the sight of his butt naked Mommie rushing out of the bathroom to save him might possibly have traumatized him more than the terror……
Oh no! I can only imagine hearing those screams while relaxing so nicely in the bath! That would end that in a hurry – and thankfully, they don’t remember! I’ve heard they often occur in children up to 12 years of age – but I don’t know how common that is either. I’m glad ours only happen about twice a month – so I can’t complain – it has been getting more frequent lately though, so I hope we don’t get them more regularly. Just a couple times a month takes it out of me. I feel for you dealing with it many times a week!
Our fabulous pediatrician recommended that for two straight weeks, we wake up our son (who had been having night terrors on and off for over a year) a couple hours after he fell asleep. Around 9 or 10 pm. We made sure he was fully awake by turning on the light and made him eat something small or drink water. It disrupts their sleep pattern and they are able to start a new pattern. After doing this for two weeks, he has not had a night terror in over a year! Dealing with them was such a challenge, maybe this will work for someone else, too.
I’ve heard of waking them up, but wasn’t ready to do that since we’re pretty sporadic with having them. How often did you son have them?
I hope that’s the solution that many can use!
EVERYONE:::::
READ THE ABOVE COMMENT!!!!
It can work!!! After about a year of this, sometimes 3-4 times a week I was at the end of my rope. Finally my ped gave me the number to a pediatric sleep specialist. I called to make an appt. On the phone this is what he said I should try first and if that didn’t work, then to come in. This restarts their sleep cycle, allowing them to be more fully rested when they get to stage 3 of sleep. Often their brains have not fully calmed down when they get to this stage, causing terrors, or more commonly sleep walking/eating. OMG, it really worked for us.. within a few days!! Try it!!! Really, what could waking your child up for a few minutes hurt?? Especially in comparison to what’s going on? I wouldn’t wake her for long…just to say good night (hehe), take her potty, sometimes I would turn on her lamp rouse her with a short story…it was calm and peaceful. She even got kinda used to it. I was afraid to stop!! I think I did it for about a month or two….completely gone!!
I don’t know how religious people are but my cousin was having night terrors and his mom would sprinkle holy water on their child before bed and the night terrors stopped.
My son Kendall now almost 5 started having night terrors when he was 2. I felt horrible when they started. He’d cry and call for me, but would never recognize me. Always looked past me and my husband as if we were not there. On a few occasions he would look past me and say “I hate you.” I know he didn’t mean it but it was still hard to deal with. After a year and a half of having them every night they slowed down to a couple times a week. Now they happen maybe once or twice a month. Hang in there this to shall pass.
My son is 8 and occasionally has a night terror. This has toned WAY down from when he was younger. Thank goodness!! I can understand your pain and frustration. There is literally nothing we can do except what you mentioned already.
We did notice that he cannot have anything unnaturally sweet at least 2 hours prior to sleeping. So no dessert unless we eat it early.
Fruits seem to be okay and that’s what we try to offer him if he has a hankering for something sweet an hour before bedtime. Also, he only wears a t-shirt and underwear to bed. If he wears anything more, he gets too hot and ends up having a night terror.
I read an article years ago (can’t remember where) that people who have night terrors have them because something wakes them up but they never fully wake up so they get caught between an awake and sleep state. When my son was 3 he had night terrors every night and it ended up being because he had to use the potty at night, but never fully awoke. At that time, we didn’t give him water before bedtime and it drastically reduced his episodes.
It sounds like you are aware of possible solutions and that’s awesome!! Just keep trying different things because something may be triggering his brain to stay too active at night possibly causing the night terrors.
My son’s night terrors sound like Cassie’s sons’. He would scream and call out for me but would look right past me like I wasn’t there. I could hold him and try to comfort him but it was like he was in a different world. It’s heartbreaking (and stressful) knowing he’s calling out for me but I can’t comfort him. Then after all that, in the morning he doesn’t remember it at all when I’m all exhausted and stressed. what?! He’s had them for a few years now so it’s a [little] easier to deal with but he doesn’t have them that often. My heart definitely goes out to the parents that deal with it often.
My daughter had night terrors from the time she was a few months old until she was about 4 or 5 and as she got older they became fewer and further between. It was terrifying for me when she was an infant because she would be completely limp when I picked her up. I found that as she got older, the best thing to do was to just stay calm and comfort her the best I could and wait for it to end. She is now 13 and she hasn’t had one in many years but she often does talk in her sleep and she is definitely
someone who is unpleasant if she doesn’t get enough sleep. They do grow out of it and it does get better.
This is so scary! This post is wonderful! Parents that are struggling with these are going to learn so much from it.
Something that worked wonders with my son’s night terrors: saying, very calmly, “You had a scary dream.” instead of “Shh, it’s okay,” or something along those lines. HUGE difference.
Night terrors are always difficult, I’m grateful that they have never lasted for more than a few weeks at a time with my kids.
You are very fortunate they only lasted a few weeks with your kids. It’s incredibly draining and my youngest son had them three or four times a week for almost two years. We could never do anything but sit with him while he went through it. I wish I had known this kind of support when we were going through it, I had no idea how common it was.
That doesn’t sound like night terrors, then. As someone who has dealt with it for YEARS, it is a sleep disorder. And it’s not a scary dream. As I’ve described it to others, “It’s more of a ‘terror’ for the parents than the kids.” They don’t remember anything in the morning.
It might not be technically night terrors, Amy. I just added the comment hoping it would help someone else.
My now 4 yr old had night terrors since she was not quite 2 years old. We discussed it with her DR after she had 3 in a week. The first thing we noticed was she usually needed to pee. She was potty trained and would pee on us as soon as we picked her up. After she turned 3 night terrors left, but they turned into sleep walking – so that is something you might want to watch for. My kids go to bed a few hours before we do, so we were always awake during her episodes. We watched her one night as she attempted to walk right out the back door – we installed top locks ASAP. She is 4.5 and still sleep walks.
Our spirited son is prone to night terrors if he is overtired or overstimulated. So we’re careful with his naps and makes sure that he has lots of opportunity to run off the “manics” outside if he gets overstimulated (such as after a birthday party). If in doubt we take him for a walk outside before bed. So far, so good.
My daughter has had this (night terror) for 2-3 times at 5 years and then at 6. The first time, it went on for hours – till wee hours in the morning! I didn’t know then that it was night terror. But when it happened again a few months later, I figured a way out of it.
What I would do was – I would bring up a topic from that very day – about something that we did together – activity, play, joke. I would start talking in a very casual matter of fact manner as if I’m having a chat with her. I’d continue talking bits and pieces about our day and then I’d ask her a question related to it – like – do you want to do this tomorrow, too? What shall we do with that pink paper? and some more. I’d continue till she would come back to normalcy and respond!
This has worked the couple of times that it happened since then…
We found that helps bring him out of it a bit faster, too. We usually end up talking about spaceships, and our neighbor alien, “Andy.”
I have three year old B/G twins. Our son was the perfect sleeper until he hit the age of about 14 months, then started with the occasional night terror–we read up on it, did everything we were supposed to, to a tee. When it started happening nightly, sometimes several times a night, well–it was terrible. I kept trying to ask our doctor for ideas, for help–but they kept telling us we were doing everything right, that he would just have to outgrow it. After over a YEAR of little sleep, for everyone in our family, and our marriage being on the brink of disaster b/c of it–I had an epiphany. He had terrible reflux as a baby (outgrew it at about six months), and I noticed he still occasionally spat up–kind of weird for a two year old. I asked the DR to prescribe his reflux meds again, and within three days’ dose, he was back to sleeping through the night again. I feel terrible now, knowing he was in pain for so long, but am so glad we found a solution. Even now, when he has something too acidic before bedtime, he will still go into his “terrors,” but I know it’s diet related when he’s coughing and choking. Something everyone should pay attention to, especially if there’s been a history of acid reflux. Apparently, the body produces the MOST acid around 10pm (I have no idea why), usually the same time night terrors also tend to kick in. I am confident he was having/has night terrors, but they were/are induced by the acid indegestion. Our lives have improved 110% since making that discovery. Bottom line for us was: follow your gut; doctors don’t know your kids as well as you do.
Wow! I wish I would have had this information 2 years ago. My soon to be 3 y.o experienced these and I had no idea what they were. I told my doctor who just brushed these to the side and never had an answer for me. I’ve never felt so helpless (besides when my son had a surgery at 4months) it really wasn’t until about 6 months ago, he had one of these and i was talking to another mom who suggested night terrors, sure enough I looked it up and he met all the criteria. Thanks for being an outreach/support to other parents going through this:)
Jackie — I know how not only helpless you can feel, but just like a bad mom. I felt so bad, I was complaining about it all the time, but no one understood, everyone compared it to nightmares and shrugged it off like its happens, yeah, deal with it lady. Once I figured it out, it was SUCH a relief.
Off topic, but what did your son have surgery for? My oldest had surgery when he was 5 months old and yes, that’s probably THE MOST helpless a mom can feel.
Trinity is going to be 9 yrs old in July. I have raised her for 8 years, she is my granddaughter. Mom had her for a year when she was 4 then she came back to me.
We had another episode last night. She fell out of bed, and was screaming and complaining about her clothes, tried to take them all off. Then it was the blankets, then it was the sheets. We have a cocker spaniel almost 2 yrs old, she wanted him, he laid on her pillow, she yelled, get him off, she put him next to her, she didnt want him there cuz he was pushing her off the bed, so she pushed him, then screamed because his nail scratched her. Yelled at me that I hate her, said she hates her life. I tried to comfort her… no way, that wasnt happening. This went on for 2 hrs, I was so frustrated. She finally was so exhausted, she fell asleep.
She was diagnosed with Night Terrors when she was about a year old. Now that she is older they are different. She wakes up crying and complaining about whatever is touching her. She screams and screams. Usually they last about 5 mins. But right now she is overstressed in her life. Her mom just told her she is pregnant so Trinity is worried about who is gonna take care of the new baby.
Wow – this is so what we went through with my youngest son. I wish I had this information before we had to deal with it. He is four now, but started having night terrors about 18 months old, for almost two years, three or four times a week. I started dreading nighttime because it felt like a ticking bomb, waiting to see if this would be another night of screaming. We always sat with him, but like you figured out with your son, we couldn’t do anything for him. It’s incredibly draining on parents and I have forward this to my step-daughter because her daughter is now going through it. Great article and very helpful for parents who may feel alone when dealing with this.
My little boy had night terrors for quite some time. They are quite difficult on both the child and the parents. Our little guy did eventually out grow them. We found that if he took a nap during the day it seemed to help prevent night terrors from happening. Not always, but definitely reduced the incidence of them. We found that the best way we were able to help him come out of one was to turn on a lamp/light in the room, hold him close and keep saying his name- semi loudly.
I have dealt with these on and off with my 3yo. He just sits there and cries and cries hard. He only thrashes around if I try to do anything. It is so hard to just watch him and not do anything. Especially when others who don’t understand that I can’t just make it stop.
We have been dealing with night terrors for sometime now. My boy is 2 years old and experienced his first one at six months old. He went six months without having another one but after a year old they got worse. I asked our pediatrician about it and he recommended 1mg melatonin, it helped him fall asleep faster but they still happened. I was finally at my wits end and talked to a buddy of ours(he is a dr) and he said we may need to see a pediatric neurologist. So yesterday we did he seems to think it is a nocturnal seizure. It’s is hard to differentiate between the two. My uncle also had night terrors and my grandmother he’s witnessed these and said they are the same as my uncles night terrors. We go for a 24 hour EEG but I’m wondering if anyone has had a diagnosis of nocturnal seizures? I’m still convinced its night terrors based on his actions. Any help would be appreciated.
I definitely want an update on this when you find something out! I don’t have any diagnosis or haven’t read into anything on it. But when I described George’s night terrors to my sister-in-law I told her they almost seemed like a seizure they were so out of his control. I’m curious to hear more.
My son does something that sounds like this but it is less often in the middle of the night and more when he is waking from a nap or gets woken up. He eventually will respond and come get a hug from me then slowly snap out of it… awake though not back to sleep. Would this still be considered a night terror? Has anyone had a similar experience? He used to do it every single day after his nap for a few minutes up to an hour. Then he stopped for about 6 months … I thought it was past us but he has now started to do it again.
George sometimes does this too during the day. These photos are actually from after a nap. We call them ‘day terrors’ but I don’t know if they’re related or not.
My 18-month-old daughter has them at nap time and every once in a while at night (about an hour after having gone to bed). It’s just heart-breaking. She had one this past weekend while we were on a road trip, so we could only console her in public. All these people were walking by kind of smiling at us, thinking it was a regular temper tantrum. Talk about terrible!!! The only thing that really “works” for us is to try to hold, rock, and shush her until she comes out of it. It is generally best if we let her fall back asleep, even if it’s a nap. She’ll go back to sleep for another 45 minutes to an hour and then wake up completely normal, like nothing happened. I agree that it also seems related to being woken up at the wrong time or in the wrong way or something. I’m reading through these comments planning to try every single tip!
It is nice to see someone else’s journey with night terrors, my 8 year old has dealt with them for years, it is such a horrible thing for parents to go through. Our doctor told us at his last check up, that 2-3 hours after he falls asleep wake him up just enough to make sure he is awake and let him fall asleep after doing this for 10 days they say it will reset his REM sleep cycle, I’m hoping this helps us, and maybe you as well. Hope you have a great week!
Nicole
Let us know how it goes! I’ve heard of doing that too. How often does he have them?
Jamie- I will be referencing this in a post I will be publishing for the What To Expect (WTE) Moms site- we also struggled with Night Terrors before we knew what they were- now, we know that periods of high stress trigger them- and with the onset of allergy-induced asthma, disrupted sleep because of breathing issues can also trigger them…we are so lucky to have a child pulminologist who is also a child sleep expert who helped us to understand that! I figured it out by reading the excerpt in the What To Expect The First Year series and it changed everything for us and how we handle them. Once it is published, will link to this post and will let you know!
Thanks!
For children with night terrors, try taking their socks off. Sounds weird, I know, but that’s what did it for our daughter. No socks, no footie pajamas, they stopped and only came back when my husband forgot at left her sock on at bedtime.
Good luck, I hope this helps!
Thank you for this post. It has helped to validate that my little girl is not going through this alone. Cate is three-and-a-half, and has been having night terrors on and off for the past six months. Dealing with her episodes has been a touch-and-go process because the hardest part as a parent is watching your child go through something like this and you not be able to make it stop in an easy way.
In Cate’s situation, I have realized that it seems more likely to happen during times when she may get overheated during naps and at bedtime. When she wakes, it is usually in the form of screaming at the top of her lungs or hysterically crying out for “Mommy.” Even though I go to her and speak softly, she does not seem to recognize me at all. Instead, the screaming and calling out for her mommy may go on for 15 minutes or more, and she will generally focus on something in the room and scream louder, saying how scared she is. It’s heartbreaking. It can take anywhere from 30-45 minutes for her to calm down and recognize me.
Like you, I have learned over time to leave her be in terms of actually trying to touch her and just ensure that she is away from anything that could harm her. I speak softly and just guide her through it until she finally comes around and acknowledges who I am. I have actually videotaped her once to see my reactions in order to really get a feel for our interaction during these episodes and to learn more about how I finally seem to get through to her.
This definitely is a sleep disorder. It’s like they are awake physically, but not coherent of what is around them. Very disturbing and emotionally draining on kids and parents…
I had night terrors as a child. If it’s any consolation to you, I don’t and never did remember them. I did eventually grow out of them as well — probably somewhere between 8-11 years old. Hang in there!
My daughter is 21 months old and suffers from night terrors a few times a week. This article describes her terrors perfectly! Thank you for sharing.
We have found that she tends to have a terror if she goes to bed on a full stomach, I don’t know why, but she does.
Usually when she has a terror, I try to cuddle (which you’re right, its tiring and it hurts), but I think I will just let it run its course from now on. Its so heartbreaking.
Thanks for this post. While its such a HARD thing to go through its comforting to know that other “normal” people go through it to. My son (now 4) experienced night terrors at least 5 times a week for nearly a year when he was three. Our doctor and family members blamed us, told us that his homelife was too stressful and that was the reason he was getting them. I was devastated thinking I was the one to blame, that I was such a bad mum and my son was suffering – it really sent me under. I wish I could have read something like this last year for comfort. In the end we just had to let it run its course – went to his room and stood next to his bed to make sure he was safe….we never talked as some suggested, that only made it worse for us. We made sure he went to bed early enough so he didn’t get overtired, but sometimes it didn’t matter. Its been months now since he has had a terror.
He still gets an occasional nightmare but they are so much easier and quicker to deal with! Hang in there – they don’t last forever 
This makes me sad to hear this… I really hope you found a different doctor! It is completely NOT your fault! I think a lot of people go through this and just don’t talk about it or are worried about being blamed for it. It is great to have a place where people can share similar experiences so they know they are not alone!
My oldest son has these too and as crazy as it may sound, it was a relief to finally figure out what it was (when he was little). His too were inconsistant, we never knew when he was going to have one and nothing about our day could explain why he would have one. To this day, we try to make sure he doesn’t get overheated while sleeping, so light jammies if any and definitely no socks.
One thing that comforts our son and usually helps him through the night terror is telling him what he wants to hear. Like if he wants his mom, I don’t say “I’m right here” I say “OK, I’ll get her”. As he got older once we thought he was out of the terror, we would ask him questions about the day or where he was. If he is calm and still says “I don’t know”, he is not done with the terror and typically can get all worked up again, so we don’t leave his side.
Another thing we figured out is he is usually completely terrified of the sound of my husband’s voice and only I can go through it with him. Sometimes it’s the other way around. Don’t take offense to that, it’s not personal.
It can be a scary thing, and upsetting too. I always tried to tell myself that he is ok and it’s harder on me than on him.
Good luck to you and your family!
We just recently went thru this 3 weeks ago with our youngest (2 1/2 yrs old). Hers was medication that affected the brain due to being put under for surgery and post-op pain medicine with codine. We stopped the tylenol with codine immediately after the episodes had started. I called the ent surgeon first thing in the morning after the second episode. It was the scariest thing I have ever witnessed as a parent. I felt so helpless. When I finally got a call back from the surgeon she told me they were very common in the smaller children after surgery and to try benadryl every night before she goes to bed for a week and then slowly wean her off of it. It was a miracle and I finally had my happy sweet little girl back. We have not had a night terror since and I can say we have been sleeping fearless of any more episodes without benadryl for a week and a half now. I pray your son is able to grow out of the night terrors very soon and everyone sleeps happily ever after again. And I hope this helped.
My son has always experienced night terrors and the best solution I have found that has actually prevented then is giving my son melatonin. I buy this one in particular from Walmart– it’s a purple bottle. Strawberry flavored and they just dissolved in the mouth! I can say we have gone from 2-4 episodes a week to ab 1 every 6 months. I started this regimen once my sons psychologist told me (my son is on the autism spectrum). So I would def recommend it! He’s been takin melatonin since he was ab 2 and it works like a charm
good luck!
My son had night terrors. I was terrified until I saw a story on Good Morning America that talked about it. They suggested going in to their room about 45 minutes after they fall asleep (yes, you need to be paying attention and be vigilant) and nudging them to simply turn over or switch from one side to another. They said that simple movement helps the brain transition from the first part of sleep in to REM. Night terrors are triggered when that transition is not smooth. It seemed to REALLY help!!! Hope that helps.
With my 2.5 year old it’s lack of sleep or stress – so if he’s been up too late or too busy for a couple of days or the first few days after his dad leaves for work (he works away from home so when we say goodbye to daddy it’s for a couple of months). Cosleeping has helped quite a bit – it doesn’t prevent them or anything, but he’s got lots of room in our bed to move around and when he does calm down and return to normal sleep he can just pass out where he is.
I always feel terrible for other people when I hear that their kids have night terrors but also that same bit of relief – not feeling alone is always nice too
We pray and/or read psalm 91, always brings my son out of it.
We went through this for over a year, 3 or so times a week 2 or 3 times a night…I was going crazy. There was nothing to tell me what to do no one I knew went through this. Then, I read this little blurb at the end of a research paper on night terrors. It said that some parents had found success in ending these by waking the child approximately 15 minutes before the terrors start, then letting the child go back to sleep. You should do this for 7 nights after each terror. This will do 2 things reset their sleep and teach them how to wake up and go right back to sleep. It worked miracles for us….we immediately stopped having multiple events a night and went down to one a month, then none in over a year. We would get our daughter up have her pee and she would go right back to sleep. I was skeptical…but desperate…and it worked.
Hi Y’all! I just found this article on Pinterest and read the article, but not all the responses. My now almost 11 year old used to have night terrors as a toddler. I still don’t know what causes them. But…one thing we tried and it seemed to work for her, was to limit her sugar intake. She stopped eating most things that contained sugar by 7pm. As soon as we did that, the night terrors stopped. When we forgot, or thought they were over and she had too much sugar after 7pm, she had them again.
We still try to keep her sugar intake low at night, but ever since she was a toddler she stopped having them when we followed the no sugar rule. I also remember sometimes taking a squirt bottle of water in with me when she was screaming and squirted her hands, etc…and that seemed to break the terror and then she would just want hugs and to go back to sleep.
I hope this may help most of you or at least some of you. Many prayers to y’all!
Take Care~
Laura
Hi – I struggled with these growing up but they were not well known then and so it took forever to figure them out. I was older and would walk around inconsolably. My parents found drinking water would wake me up for some reason! Not fun at all. I can’t I imagine being the parent watching it happen!
Our son started having night terrors around the age of 3. He is now 10. The bigger he got the more complicated it became, especially since he would often get out of bed during the terrors. He would walk around, climb up on my bed, walk to the bathroom, down the stairs. I always follow him and try to escort him in a safer direction but this is hard to do without making it worse.
When he was 8 he started having nighttime seizures that seemed to have taken the place of the terrors. So we saw a neurologist and had all kinds of test run. They found nothing. A nurse friend of mine suggested taking red dye out of his diet. So we did… and the only seizures or night terrors he has had since then are when he ate something without realizing it had red dye and when he had a fever.
He asked us to record one of his night terrors or seizures but that is the last thing on my mind during either of these episodes. Plus I don’t think he really needs to see what he looks like, it’s very scary.
My little piece of advice is to keep a diary of sorts. I keep up with day, time, food he ate that day (and day before if possible), temperature in the house, and in some cases I would take his temp after. We know that if he has a fever when he goes to be he is going to have a terror so we just listen for him. And now we know that if he has a class party or has been at a friends house to listen for him because he tries really hard not to have red dye but it is hidden in so many things you would never even think. His episodes were so random before so I am thankful that we were able to pinpoint the cause.
I pray that you will all be able to have your ‘aha’ moment.
Thanks for your advice and some of the other posts. We have been dealing with this for years but I still learned a few new things.
My daughter started at 2 yrs.As long as I didn’t touch her she was ok.But as soon as I touched her.It would enhance whatever it was she was feeling.It took her awhile to calm down.Hers would last anywhere from 15 mins – 1.5 hrs.
She is now 18 yrs.Her last one was when she was 16 yrs where she would sit up and talk and mumble.Then go back to sleep minutes later.
When she did have them,it was like she was in a daze.
Her eyes looked different.Like she was a million miles away.She never ever remembered anything.Alot of the times we would also find her in different parts of our house.She would wake up in the morning to ask why we put her in the basement on the couch.She could not remember herself walking downstairs.
The one time she tried to leave the house.We had to put a lock up high.We found that when her day was stressful.Myself or my husband giving her heck she would have one usually 45 minutes -hr of being asleep.
She carries her heart on her sleeve.We didn’t even have to yell just talk in a Stern voice would make her cry.Later on that night she would have one.
The dr did say she would out grow it and she has.
She also dealt with severe anxiety from 12 yrs-15 yrs.Had to home school her.We don’t think this had anything to do with her night terrors.
My daughter has night terrors, too. Hers began when she was around 2.5 years old (she’s nearly 3.5 now and still has them every now and then). A psychologist friend of ours assured us that it’s often just a normal part of brain development, and we employ a lot of the techniques you mentioned above. Namely just keeping her safe and letting the night terror run its course. It’s still scary, though!
Hello Jaime
My son has also struggled in the last year with night terrors – it took me a week or so to realise what was going on as I initially thought he was throwing a tantrum.
Just to share what I have learned about night terrors – it happens when the child does not get enough REM sleep. The night terror is when a part of the child’s brain wakes up but another part stays asleep. The child is not aware of what is going on and not responsive.
What has shortened our son’s episodes was 1) to stir him just before we go to bed and not wake him completely 2) when one happened to pick him up, comfort, place him back in bed for 5 min, then go back in and pick him up – this little cycle seems to get him out of a terror far quicker.
It is a very uncomfortable behaviour to witness. Even though we are very consistent with sleep and our kids have a good routine the terrors has always been worse when we went away, had visitors staying.
AN extra hour of sleep during bad weeks almost always stopped the terros for a period of time again.
All the best and thank you for a great blog.
Thank you for the tips! It IS very uncomfortable to witness and such a struggle.
I discussed out night terror situation with a fellow trusted church leader at our church who is a nurse, and it turns out her eldest son dealt with this a couple of years ago…and his triggers were primarily media sources about 2-3 hours before bed. She told me in their eliminating any visually stimulating media (TV, iPad’s, iPod’s, iPhones, etc) 2-3 hours prior to their son’s bedtime, they haven’t had an issue since. It seems some children are highly affected by media over stimulating them so close to bedtime. So, we have tried doing this…and so far, we have success. The only nights we tend to have an issue is when we have nights where we goes to bed a little later than his bed time due to us being out a bit late as a family…otherwise, he is doing much better!
Just found this thread last night. Our 6 year old son gets them here and there few times a year. Now he had them two days in a row, last night being every 2 1/2 hrs. And by far most weird and scary. He has a cold and low grade fever so I’m thinking that’s the cause. My question is he does recognize me and calls me to come and get him. Yet he does not see his older siblings or dogs. He profusely declares his love to me while in the midst of the episode of thrashing, seeing things, and hearing voices, he will tell me what he is seeing or hearing. I didn’t find a similar thing online. Has anybody’s child been able to communicate with a parent while in the midst of night terror? It’s scary to me and I really worry about him. He’s a smart and very sweet boy.
Yes, our son had communicated with me and my husband during his night terrors (of course we don’t touch him, we just respond to his cries for us)…however, what he talks about is incoherent and he is usually highly angsted…and the next morning we have asked him if he remembers talking with us the night prior…and he declares “no.”
I have 7 siblings (that’s 8 all together my poor mother haha) and every single one of us had night terrors and sleepwalking issues. Quite a few of my cousins too
For myself it lasted well into junior high, though luckily most of my siblings grew out of it by age 6 or so. My father had them really bad as a kid also, so I’ve always just thought them a slightly unnerving, but regular part of life. It wasn’t until I was much older that I learned that it didn’t happen to everyone.
My Little Mister, who is almost 3, has had 2 within a week. He wakes up, usually in our bed, screams and thrashes his legs. If I try to touch him, he screams NO between his cries and moves or pushes me away. If I ask him anything he screams NO. I have been terrified both times. Scary stuff. Thanks for sharing the things you have found useful. I hope I won’t need it, but glad I found it!
I had night terrors the entire year I was in Kindergarten. Mine were caused by stress because my teacher was abusive. I didn’t know what she was doing wasn’t normal for school so I didn’t tell anyone. One thing I can tell you about night terrors is that they do stop and your child will not remember them. Ever. I’m 29 and I remember that year, I remember my teacher being mean, but I do not remember ever having night terrors. That was a comfort to my mom. Maybe it will be to you, too.
We dealt with these for years too and found an instant solution that shocked us. Seriously. It sounds weird, but it’s true. She would still occasionally have mild ones (some light crying or sleep walking), not the screaming things that freaked us out for so long.
The solution? Play Handel’s Water Music in her room when tucking her in and all through the night. Seriously. Research shows that music with 60 beats per minute has a physiological effect. We have heard of anesthesiologists who play it during surgery now.
I wrote about it here (our #1 of 6 had night terrors and #6 has mild ones):
http://gratefulforgrace.com/2011/11/help-for-night-terrors/
I thought we were the only ones dealing with this. Long story short my now 51/2 year old started having “night terrors” as a new born. We went through every scenario possible, early bedtimes, no food after a certain time, waking up at intervals to prevent an episode. After one started we tried, talking, soothing, being loud to wake up, light, water, rocking, singing, you name it. Then he started peeing during an episode and it didn’t seem right, went to a neurologist. Turned out he in fact suffers from night or sleep seizures and NOT NIGHT TERRORS….. What?! We were in awe.
The dr wanted to start medication, we didn’t opt out, instead prayed. Our prayers were answered when by coincidence we noticed by not taking naps he wasn’t having episodes. Glad to say he has been episode free for over 8 months.
I old recommend seeing a neurologist to rule out seizures. Good luck. I hope he gets over this soon. I know how heartbreaking it is to see your child like this. Feel free to email me.