Parenting: "The Conscious Parent" Book

The Conscious Parent by Shefali Tsabary, PhD

I looked into it right away, because, yes, Henry acts out and I was getting frustrated. Dr. Tsabary quickly sent me over this book to read and review to my readers.

I’m a slow reader, so I plucked away at this book a chapter at a time in my slim moments of free time. I decided to highlight along the way any important quotes I might come across so later I can come back and skim those for quick inspiration.

Um, I think almost 90% of the pages have been highlighted on or dog-eared. 

Whew.

A major quote that I highlighted and that probably triggered the 30 Days to Hands on Play Challenge:

This is one parenting book full of information.

And guess what?

Its not necessarily about ‘parenting’.

Its about you.

The parent.

These couple of sentences, I believe, set the tone for the entire book. I came back to this over and over throughout the book, as Dr. Tsabary often talks about our ‘ego’:

“Ego” as I’m using the term is an artificial sense of ourselves. It’s an idea we have about ourselves based mostly on other people’s opinions. It’s the person we have come to believe we are and think of ourselves as. [p. 7]

A conscious parent approach is definitely different that learning how to ‘handle’ behaviors. This is what sets this book apart from others I’ve read. Its an approach to parenting in general, not a specific behavior. And its about you, not the child.

“… conscious parenting is learned through the actual experience of relating to our children, not through reading books that offer quick fixes or taking classes that specialize in techniques.” [p. 19]

The majority of The Conscious Parent speaks of our ego. What triggers our reactions to our children?

A question the book asks, or more a statement it encourages you to finish [examples on page 33]:

I accept my child is ______.

And really accept it.
I asked this question to other fellow moms on The Play Network and got a variety of answers!

The only thing I found that really bothered me throughout the book is that Dr. Tsabary often relates our ‘triggers’ to the way we were raised by our own parents. I don’t have any problems or issues with the way I was raised and I often found myself mad at the book when I was reading through these parts.

Dr. Tsabary does touch on discipline throughout the book, here and there, but mostly at the end. The one thing that has really stuck in my mind is about what we can expect of our children, and this can be used for all ages:

“What do you have a right to expect from your children? I identify three elements: respect for themselves, for others, and for their safety.” [p. 172]

Dr. Tsabary says she often has to remind herself of the following for displinary action:

“I will response to my child in the her-and-now. If her behaviour asks for validation, I will be present enough to give this. If  her behaviour asks for shaping and containment, I will be engaged and alert, ready to provide this the moment she needs it. If her behaviour asks for non-reaction from me, then this will be my response.”[p. 220]

I found The Conscious Parent to be a very enlightening book that made me reflect on my own being, how I act and why I do the way I do. What triggers me is often a question I ask myself now and try to reflect on the situation. Being present with my children is something I’m striving to do daily and being a truly conscious parent.

* I received The Conscious Parent k for free from Namaste Publishing in exchange for a review with my honest opinions of the the book.

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