Before you start reading this post, you should know that I ADORE my child. She is the treasure of my life. Nothing or nobody can ever take her place in my life!
[First unforgettable real kiss!]
I could stop here.
But I don’t.
I have to share an important message.
For ME it’s not true that motherhood comes naturally, that we women are born to be moms.* Even though I am a professional, working with parents and children mostly every day, this didn’t prepare me for my own motherhood. I have the courage to say, now after some years, that becoming a mother made me lose my way…. AND I am very grateful for having lost that way! [continue reading to find out why...]
I also found out that I am NOT alone, I read this sentence in an interview with rock star Alanis Morisette:
“I remain baffled at how little I was prepared for what was to come. These things required months of growth and calibrating! And here I naively thought that I would arrive as a MOM at the same time as my lil’ boy arrived as a SON. “
|[This island called 'Pregnant woman']|
Parents you become, I absolutely believe in that now.
As a newborn parent I travelled through many experiences, before I could say: AHA, this belongs to me, and this is not me!
The start of a journey
This is my “list” I was going through:
- The books about parenthood, especially with chapters like ‘put your child on it’s belly, when it’s still loving so much staying on it’s back’. I gave them all to the local library – for free!
- The good advices from others, read family, doctors, teachers. I respectfully learnt to say : ah, oh, really? yes, thank you so much! and then do it in my way. I know my child the best and (now) trust in my competences.
- The change of my body, absolutely talking about having “hanging” kind of bodyparts. Wow, this was, and still pops up, a tricky one. But I will not step into the trap of becoming a stranger in my own body. My partner says: “You are beautiful” and I answer: “Yes, I am!”.
- Multitasking all the time, juggling between the household, the preps for my workshops, the writing, the being mom and woman. Praying sometimes that all social media will just collaps and we go back to handwrited cards or letters. I am letting go of the fact that numbers are important: google analytics or how many people are “talking about me” on Facebook. I choose now to blog and social media when my daughter is not around. Her presence makes me slow down and roll over the floor while playing with each other.
- Not being involved anymore in a “JOB”: A thing you do, a responsibility. So many things are worth doing, those that bring joy to you. Some only bring money, some friends, some surprising experiences. But it somehow has to be done. My job now is being full of joy, spending my time playing and creating. Or better said, spending my time in BEING who I am.
- Being in complete control of the baby-situation.My thoughts and actions would look like this: “I should let her eat more, I must make her fall asleep now [in dark rooms, with doors closed], I must do courses with her, She must always be in my life, her education belongs to me.” I wanted to push my child, but she rebelled, with her whole being, little as she was and is. I had no chance as to accept reality: My child is an independent being. I cannot [and I don't want] to control the situation. I just create a safe space for her where she can express herself who she really is. what does not mean, that there are no borders.
My wish for you my child is to be free ♥
I thought having a baby was all about the child. I found out that a new me was born at exactly the same time. My journey of growing up proceeds with every day lived in a fully and conscious way. I start to understand who I am and why I do what I do. What a beautiful celebration!
Thank you for your time,
Mother – and therefore automatically heroine, Angelique Felix for my inspiring playmate Jamie at hands on : as we grow.
* I write about motherhood but please don’t feel excluded if you are a father reading this. Feel free to let me know how you, as a man, experienced the entry of a baby in your relationship.
About Angelique Felix
Angelique Felix creates safe spaces where parents can play with their children (0-6 years old); where children learn in a FUN way; where adults encounter their inner child.
Angelique is a Certified Infant Massage Instructor (International Association of Infant Massage). More information can be found at http://www.AngeliqueFelix.com – The Magic Of Play.